A taste of Sex

Pin It Now! It’s tough being a cross dresser. Hold it there! Now, this is not a confession. It was just the ‘soos effect’ (and I’ll tell you quickly what that is as we unfold). What I really meant was that it’s tough being Olivia, the agony aunt who can handle any of your “problems relating to sex and relationships”. Holy Molly! That’s mighty lofty! And to think that I’ve been doing it for over four months now. To be fair, my colleague has equally shared the burden and she’s done a great job of it. But Karen is a ‘she’, if you get what I mean.

Me, Olivia! I’m sure a lot many people in the know call me ‘the bitch’ behind my back. You must see the kind of questions I, we get to deal with. They range from the supposed rigours of masturbation to the length of the instrument, to ‘double tool whammy, to… I’ll spare you the details. If you’re keen enough you could visit www.moodsplanet.com. Hey, let me tell you right out. I’ve not bluffed on any of my answers; you’ll know that when you read them. It takes a lot of work. A lot of sweat even to be irrelevant when it’s called for. I suppose even those who sweat better in the dark will appreciate that.

To begin with, it was absolute agony. Every style of writing I came up with, the client service tyrants trampled over gleefully. Na, that was a bit harsh, actually they did a lot to mould the Olivia in me. And then I used to go overboard with some questions where I was reigned in again. I must admit that in some places my answers were pure verbal gymnastics, lots of hot air, lots of beating about the bush. But then how else would you answer questions like “can I fuck a cow”? I suppose this is where the soos effect came into play.

Now, the soos effect is this absolute art of irrelevance or sly relevance, cloaked in artlessness. Complex, I know. It stems from a complex creature too. A Neanderthal who happens to be a good friend of mine, an absolute, delightful, laugh-a-minute catastrophe! You’ll have to meet him sometime and you’ll know what I mean. Hey, sure looks like I am not giving much here, aren’t it? I’ll take care of that right away. Heard of someone tasting sex from a bottle?

Someone I know recently had a serious bout of coughing. So much so that he’d woken up his mom in the middle of the night with his fit. The poor mom was obviously groggy with sleep because she reached out for the first bottle and gave it to her son who promptly gulped down a liberal amount of its contents. It literally burnt down his sore throat. Know why? It was actually some medicine meant for body sores! You know, sores around the privates even?! And the way he related it to me. “Man! It tasted like vagina!” Phew! It comes bottled now, what?!
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