Wrought from Snot!

Pin It Now! He can actually sneeze things off a shelf. Comes in handy if you are a shoplifter. But he's not. He's a graphic designer and a friend of mine with this mighty aquiline nose, I sometimes suspect is an accessory rather than an appendage. The kind you remove before you hit the bed at night, if you get the drift. But don't tell him I said so!

The other day we'd gone out for tea to a chai shop that doubles as a 'juice shop'. As soon as we entered, our friend sneezed ever so politely and out tumbled a little bunch of purple grapes, softly onto the floor! Voila! Makes one wonder. What else is this young man capable of? Can he also sneeze pumpkins off shelves maybe? Or something bigger like my neighbour, off the place forever?

This neighbour, in my 'mansion', has an annoying habit. He plays his FM loud enough for the whole floor each day! And it starts religiously at 7:00 am when 'Soosi Maami' is at her shrill best, matching her maniac fan in loud-mouthing everything on God's earth. The rigours of 'mansion' life. (If you are wondering what a 'mansion' is, let me explain. It's a liberal, roomy nomenclature for a rat hole with room service!)

Yesterday, my roommate was telling me about the rare occasions when... "Snake!" There! Our adorable neighbour had arrived and announced his presence by switching on the FM at full blast. But wait a minute... that was the sound of TV. Typical. He'd politely broken, no, invited himself into another room when its unsuspecting occupants were away, to watch TV - some 'Amman' flick with snakes in it! "Snake!"

My roommate was on instant boil! He flew out of the room. Immediately I heard the volumes reduce. That was quick and almost as good as the petrifying 'VCBM' (Volume Control By Mom) mechanism that I was threatened with as a kid. When my roommate came back, he actually looked defeated. Obviously he hadn't expected the menace to cower down and oblige so fast.

He lit up a cigarette and sat down for a while before he continued with what he wanted to tell me before we were rudely interrupted. "Snakes like that are..." Hiccup! He caught himself..."Wha..." My roomie was clearly baffled. Our neighbour was getting to him. He actually meant to say, "Businesses like that are rare..." As if in mockery of my roomie's slip of tongue, the offending neighbour promptly fiddled with the volume control. The decibels were rising progressively again as he surfed channels now!

Tell me O' Almighty, comfort me that populating thy creation wasn't a 'sneeze', and that on the rarest of times when thou didst actually take time out to sneeze, species like these were accidentally wrought. From thy snot! (I'm sorry I couldn't help that! But now I seem to picture God with this great big aquiline nose, picking booger that he can shape into... na, I didn't say that, so help me God!)
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